So... tomorrow is the last day of my mom's chemo! How excited we are! It's really such a sad thing to see, but it has been a blessing in disguise. I feel so much closer to her and so much closer to my siblings. If you know me, you know mine and my mom's relationship has always been rocky. But after this whole ordeal, I feel a whole lot closer with her. I'm sad that she had to go through all of this and I am so grateful it is over, but I would not trade the past six months for anything. I have learned so much.
I have learned:
how giving people really are.
who my true friends are.
that the little things really don't matter. I know it's so cliche and everyone says it, but it's so true!
that family is so much more important than friends.
that friends can become family if you let them.
that my mom is stronger than any woman I know.
that my sisters are the people who know me best.
that my brother, Mitch, is much softer than he leads on to be.
that I am much softer than I lead on to be.
that it could always be worse.
that it is so much more important to give than to receive.
that sometimes people don't need advice; they don't need input. Sometimes, they just need someone to be there.
that most of the time I just need someone to be there.
that it is so important to LET people help. If you don't, you could be taking blessings from them
that getting to know people/letting people get to know me is something that is hard for me. But it is so, so important.
that in the midst of all of this shit known as cancer, I have found it easier to say the glass is half full. Most days
that life is hard.
I'm really glad that we can finally be done with chemo (hopefully for good). We can go back to living a "normal" life. Well, as normal as my family can be.
I think about my past sometimes. I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had stayed the person I used to be. I know I would not be as blessed as I have been. I've realized over the past few years that I really do deserve awesomeness. I still have my down days where I'm insecure and needy and sad, but most of the time I'm strong. (Have you all heard the song "A Little Bit Stronger" by Sara Evans OR my girl Leighton Meester? Aweosme.) There is no greater joy than to know that you have prevailed. And I have. And it's freaking awesome.
I was listening to this song by Sara B. and this stuck out to me:
You were an island
No one would dare to tread upon
I came in like the wise men
Ask you to take my gift of love
Can't scare you with my crime
I learned my lesson
Love you a little at a time
I'm not really sure why it stuck out to me, but it reminded me of a time in my life when I was like that. And I thought of how glad I was that I learned my lesson.
I think I'm going to Africa in October. It's not for sure, so I'm not getting my hopes up. I have almost enough money saved to go. I would be going to Kenya to help the women who get sold into sex slavery. Wouldn't that just be awesome? It would probably be one of the best things I could do. Even if I had to miss school or work. I don't care. I would do it. I would even take out a student loan to pay for it. Which is what I'll probably end up doing:). But hey, might as well us the government to my advantage!
I'm just gonna rant for a minute. So I've been looking at people's wedding pictures and I'm wondering... WHAT. THEE. HELL. What happened to the old days where the pictures were normal? Why do people insist on making them as weird... er.. I mean, "unique" as possible? It's cool to have them be unique, but it's obvious when someone is trying too hard/stepping out of who they are to make them that way. And the cheesiness! OH THE CHEESINESS! "Here, push me up against this wall and look into my eyes and I will be giggling! Because I am just so damn happy!" OR "Let's wear matching Rock Revival jeans and we can take pictures of our asses because everyone is sooo interested in what brand of jeans we are wearing!" OR "Hey, stand behind me in your tux and look at me like you've just made the best decision of your life..." I'm sorry... this is probably so rude and offending so many of you. But when did the wedding become about the pictures and not about the actual wedding? Why do we have to pose happy? Why can't we just capture the real happiness? No offense, this isn't directed towards anyone in general. Just everyone in general. Kidding. Kidding.
Anyways.. how's that for random?
PS you should all listen to The Civil Wars. They are simply amazing.
PSS does anyone have anyone who would donate money to sponsor T Shirts at our event? Let me know. Thanks friends.