Do NOT read if you are like me and hate anything happy. (I'm kidding.. but seriously)
I know all my posts are so negative and so depressing, but this is my outlet. I realized I don't ever let out the good stuff, so here I am. Letting it out. I need to have posts like these so that when I DO feel like posting about how awful my life is (it's really not awful at all), I can look back at these types of posts and remember how easy and how fluffy it really is.
I've had a series of awful events during my lifetime, this is true. But in the past week I have realized how much worse things can really be.
I'll start off with last week:
Last week was awful! (At the beginning). By Tuesday I was ready to ex.plode. I didn't though, obviously, because I'm still here. I talked with a friend and had a spiritual experience and it was awesome. It was seriously just what I needed. It was something along the lines of me seeing that I need to start looking outward more. I've spent so much of the last year looking inward and being selfish and cynical. I realized, last Tuesday, that the only way to TRULY be happy is to immerse yourself in the service of others. It was kind of a slap in the face/ exactly what I needed when I heard this. I immediately felt better about things. Later that night, I got an e-mail (as did the rest of my siblings) from my mom telling me exactly what I did NOT want to hear but needed to hear. I was frustrated, upset, and I thought I was going to explode again. I was with my friends, Jacee and Carissa when I received this e-mail.
(On a side note, who loves Jacee? She is seriously the most awesome person I have ever met. (Even though she made me eat at Arby's.)
On a side side note, who HATES Arby's? I do. I really do. Curly fries are okay. Everything else, GAG.)Jacee knew EXACTLY what to say to make me feel better. I usually do not confide in many, but she knew what to say and when to say it. She calmed me down and I was back to the positive feeling I was feeling earlier that day. That's when I let my defenses down and owed my sanity to Jacee.
So anyways, the week went on as a normal week would. It just got better and better. I prayed and did all the primary things us Mormons are supposed to do and for the first time, I REALLY noticed a difference in my days. So the week was great. And I was feeling great.
Anyways, enough about my sob story. This isn't supposed to be negative, but is it looking that way? Ugh, F word. I'm trying, guys.
So Monday (two days ago), me, Katherine, Travis, and my mom went to a benefit dinner at Sonora Grill. It was for Dylan Shaw, (click on his name to read his story) and another couple. Dylan has a brain tumor and is only nine years old. The other couple, I didn't know about until we were at the restaurant.
They looked like they were in their mid to late twenties. They were sitting alone at a table for two. I asked my mom who the other people were that the event was for. She told me their story: (something along these lines)
They were at a wedding in Arizona and they were setting up for the reception. A fence fell on their two year old boy and he was without oxygen for 24 minutes. He is alive but you can only imagine...
The husband of the family is a landscaper and he is also going blind.
When my mom told me this, my heart fell through my butt (as my friend, Ashley would say). WHY?!! Is all I could ask. Why?! That is seriously the most awful story I have heard in a long time. I was so sad for them... so sad. But then I was so grateful... because I realized how much worse things could be. (Although I would NEVER wish that upon someone for my sake... EVER.)
Then.... I saw Dylan. That little boy.. is the sweetest, happiest thing I have ever seen. The softie button for the kids got pushed and I was so sad for him. But so amazed at how positive not only he was, but his family was as well.
It seems as though when times get rough, God gives you a strange comfort (some call it the Spirit, I call it medication) to get you through it all and keep your spirits high. I had not felt the comfort of the Spirit until this last week when I really decided that I need God. I am a hard-headed, stubborn little girl who does what she wants and doesn't really listen to anyone else. Well, I decided after my "spiritual experience" that I would let "Thy Will Be Done." Yeah, I said it, I'm letting someone else take control in my life. So scary! But much needed.
I used to be a fixer. I feel as though I'm letting go of the fixing. I have realized that I can't fix everyone. The underdog will always be the underdog as long as he lets himself be. This past week I have learned about acceptance. I have to accept things for the way they are. If I try to change them, it will only wear me down. I just need to accept that some things really will never change. It's hard, but i'm doing it.
So the point of this post is to let all you people know that I do have a soft side. I do get sad, I do cry. I do have a heart. I'm not a cold-stoned bitch. I'm actually very sensitive and very in-tune with other people's feelings and worries. I usually know when something is off with someone. I think that's one of the talents that God has given me. And I think that's why I've chosen the career that I have.
So here we go. More cheesiness. I just want to give a shout out to the people I am grateful for:
|These four are so awesome. I have never met a couple more Christ-like than Angie and Steve. I spent a weekend in St. George with them and it was so much fun. Even though I was just there to be their biatch, I still had so much fun.|
|You all know how I feel about these two.|
|I just love this picture. Mitch is so cool. I really like him. Katherine is awesome, too.|
|Mars. She has been one of my ONLY friends who checks up on me frequently. I love gossiping with her.|
|Carissa. She has been there from day one. We fight like sisters, but that's what makes us so awesome. I love her. She is always there if we need her and would do anything for anyone.|
|Jacee.. oh where do I begin?! I could go on for days about how awesome she is and how she always knows exactly what to say, but anyone who reads my blog already knows how much I love her.|
|A picture is worth 1000 words|
|The girls that keep me sane at work. OH, where would I be without you?|
|Ashley is who I call when I need to getaway from all the shity things. I love her. She is there for me more than my friends I've known my whole life.(Don't mind the picture... I love it)|
Blah blah blah. I warned you about the cheesiness.